Life's Good. But Why?

In the last few weeks, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my year... my life, really, and what I "really" want. This year has been hard honestly. A lot of uncomfortable learning, letting go, and moving on. I spent most of October crying honestly. Coming to terms with the fact that my post grad life looks nothing like the life I was "promised" by the media. By myself really. (For some reason) I thought that I would have my life fully together. I'd have my own place, and a big girl corporate job. Alas, the Monday after graduation I was back at the same old job I started by in high school, that barely pays above minimum wage. About 2 weeks after that, I was right back where I swore, I didn't want to be: camp. My relationship was ending. My mind was being lost. And after that? You guessed it: right back at that high school job I slowly grew to despise. Through it all, I remained hopeful that I'd land a full-time position that paid enough for me to buy myself a car (not like I even have a license but hey) and pay for my master's program (woohoo). Eventually my hard work (and my mother's connections) landed me a full-time position - only issue: it was 2 bus rides and an hour one way. I'd spend a good portion of my check on bus fare alone. So despite the tears and crying and praying for a full-time job, I declined. That killed what little hope I had left.

The weeks drug by my hair as I struggled to keep my head above water. I went to work my low paying job for my asshole of a boss, and I smiled and I stayed positive because what else would I do in my mother's house? Eventually, after some time of the of hours i worked and my financial responsibilities being inversely proportional, I decided it was time for a second job. That though alone was beyond humbling. For so long, I was convinced that I would be exempt from this phenomenon. That I would be lucky enough to never have to experience this. I started applying again, but with no expectation of even getting hired anywhere. To my pleasure - I was hired for a second job. The pay is higher, the work isn't mind bogglingly boring, and for the first time in a while, I feel needed. I feel Useful.

In the midst of my new job, I bought myself a tablet, started planning for 2026, went on a date, started working out, sleeping earlier, stressing less and even made a bullet journal from scratch to keep myself on track. Suddenly, my life is on track, and it's so clear that my high school job was holding me back and contributing heavily to my depression.

Anyways, moral of the story is everything is working out for me, and I'm beyond grateful. My only question: What triggered the change? The new job? The reflection on the year? The recent and extensive use of subliminal audios? Who knows? All I know is, right now, life is generally pretty good.

Signing Off

Samira <3

Bonus: Some of my graduation photos - shoutout to my best friend for taking them!!